Feb. 26

It's been 7 months since Bob died. Not to be melodramatic, but I had a chance to grieve while he was alive. Now,I grieve in subtle ways. Days will go by and I actually don't think about being alone. Then , I want to share something and I remember that I am alone. I still make a practice of visiting Bobs grave, usually on a Sunday.  I combine it with something pleasant., like a  ike ride or this week, I took my breakfast, a bagel and lox and a mug of coffee to Myaaka State Park , a favorite place of ours, and had my  breakfast sitting on a bench watching a very still alligator floating in the River. I do stand over the sink and eat sometimes. This is something you are not supposed to do, but in defense of doing this, I do look out over a beautiful scene of the golf course when I eat this way. There was a time in my 64 plus years of marriage that I had the thought that it would be so nice to be alone and eat anything that I wanted, when I wanted. Now that I am and can, I eat at the same  regular time, but not a meal like I woud have made if Bob were sharing this dinner with me. It takes almost a week to fill the dish washer enough to start it. I still get mailings addressed to Bob and I still get statements from my supplementary insurance for treatment Bob had months ago. I have stopped telling people to watch the curb when we are walking together. I still have a few things of Bob's around, like old prescription aviator style sun glasses, a special nail clipper that was on his key ring, a Jerry Garcia tie. I don't even know why, of all things, I still have these particular items. I'll probably look at them a few years from now and wonder the same thing. Bob had a peaceful death , in his home, family in and out of the house. I feel good about that.

Write a new comment: (Click here)

Characters left: 160
DONE Sending...
See all comments

| Reply

Latest comments

04.07 | 08:10

I read the last page first too. It’s a family curse.

22.05 | 08:38

so glad youre here mom!

29.08 | 13:45

Don't quite know how this got to me but it was on the top line of my computer (not in email) But I really enjoyed it. I truly admire you.

31.07 | 07:02

Leona, do you have a date or a booked flight that you come back ?

You liked this page