March 5

I use to cry every day. I just noticed that I don't anymore.I sometimes cry when I visit Bob's grave. But then, sometimes I don't. I was listening to an acquaintance talk about a meeting that she had with a recent widow. About the sigh of relief  the new widow felt, the feeling of almost freedom. The acquaintance  said that she hoped that she wouldn't have that feeling. That it wasn't a good thing to remember your husband like that. She doesn't know. She doesn't get it. She isn't a care giver of many, many years. She hasn't experienced that constant vigilance, the being responsible for two lives, the messiness sometimes, the loneliness , even when you are together. That is the freedom that her friend was talking about. The freedom that her friend was talking about wasn't the freedom to run away, to do crazy things. She was talking about the freedom to have breathing room, to not sit alone at a restaurant table while your spouse stays too long in the bathroom, or worry that  you should send someone in to check on him, or is there another door that he could have gone through.You  still remember good times, shared times,special moments,  but not the   days when your personal life didn't belong to you. It's OK to feel free. I know what her friend was saying.

Write a new comment: (Click here)

Characters left: 160
DONE Sending...
See all comments

| Reply

Latest comments

Today | 08:38

so glad youre here mom!

29.08 | 13:45

Don't quite know how this got to me but it was on the top line of my computer (not in email) But I really enjoyed it. I truly admire you.

31.07 | 07:02

Leona, do you have a date or a booked flight that you come back ?

20.07 | 13:55

Everything sounds so wonderful Leona. Venice will seem boring . I would want to move to Portownsend where the kids are living. All sounds great . Is there?

You liked this page