I must have sent out some negative, troubling thoughts about being a caregiver, because several friends were concerned about me. I'm OK. Being OK means that I am realistic, practical and semi detached from what I am living. How can I be
otherwise. Bob depends on me for all of his needs and I have to do what has to be done and keep strong for both of us. It's not being brave, it's being realistic. Taking charge of everything that goes with being a caretaker, isn't being strong, it's
being practical. Going forward, being not optimistic, but not morbid is being semi detached. I know which way this trip is going. Everything that is happening , is part of the failing heart. I know that one of these nightly episodes will be the last one. That
is what happens with heart failure. I can't ring my hands in anguish ,I have too much to do to keep Bob comfortable. I have to keep me centered. There is time later to fall to pieces. I will have earned it. This is what being a care giver is like . I tell
you this, so when you may find yourself in a similar situation , you will know that some of your thoughts are what is normal for the role that you are in. It's just that those thoughts upset some people who don't want to acknowledge that it is ok to feel whatever
it is you feel. . Care Giving is hard, emotional and physical. It is what it is. Deal with it.